Some studies show that happiness is still rising throughout life, while other studies show that there is a low point in the 40s. However, there is much to suggest that the mid-term crisis of men and women is not Universal (parforhold i krise). This article covers how to save my marriage.
It seems more to be limited to a particular culture in a particular social group that is influenced by particular factors and challenges.
The pursuit of a career, or that the children mean everything, can give a feeling that life passes too quickly, and thus give a crisis mood. When the young people start to overtake one, or the children move away from home, one’s whole identity and raison d’tre can come to re-assessment.
The Concept of Marriage
Marriage often sets an ideal where one can focus on someone else and others, which is healthy but also can lead to a crisis mood in a middle aged person when that spouse has moved into the other phase of life with one foot in the nest and the other in a career. The crisis mood is not universal; rather, it is something that applies to a culture that is specific to that culture and age.
What makes the crisis mood not universal is that it is a recognition of the end of a period of identity or raison d’tre and it is a recognition that one has fallen out of love and must find one’s way back.
When love is lost, the person can feel that there is no longer a relationship with anyone, and even may become unable to feel with others. When this happens, what takes its place is the fear of losing another.
This can leave one in fear of losing their identity and self-worth. In the face of this, many people put on a positive face, act friendly, and try to attract the opposite sex and to re-connect with old friends and lovers. However, there is a lot of risk in this, as this can further trigger the crisis mood.
Take Your Time to Get Out of Crisis
People in the crisis mood often prefer to wallow in their sorrows, and will take the time to make their own mischief instead of trying to re-connect with others or to make themselves “better.”
This can further become a self-fulfilling prophecy, as the more that one does this, the more the opposite sex feels safe around the self-loathing individual. So the cycle goes on. The solution is to recognize the loss of love and find new love.
Then this process must be encouraged and followed by re-connecting with those who love you, not by re-losing yourself in the opposite sex.
Crisis in Marriage
For anyone who is in the middle of a crisis mood and whose marriage is headed for divorce, the best way to avoid the danger of being drawn into the other phase of life is to look outward and try to focus on self. The only way to do this is to reconnect with the ones that really mattered in your life and are still important to you.
This doesn’t mean that you have to look for a new relationship. You can reconnect with your spouse and get back to the dating stage, but you must be clear about what you are looking for. This can be done in a casual manner, by inviting the other person out for a “date,” or you can look for someone with a serious intention.
You can look for a life partner who has a better idea about the direction you want to go in life. One who is committed to a shared vision of the future. These are the ones who are going to make your life work together. There is no room for conflict or arguments with these ones. But, you must be sure that you get the person you want.
There are ways to know if you have this intention. Most of them are not scientific, but they are honest. Once you have this in your mind and you can feel this desire for that person, you can state it clearly.
Open Up to A Partner
You must make sure that the person understands that you are “open” to them. You want to “give” each other the chance to be happy. In this way, you will not be hurt by any rejection. Once you get this clear, you can say your requirements clearly, like it is a contract. If your spouse doesn’t fulfill them, then you can terminate the contract.
If they do not keep their end of the contract, then you can be upset. But, if both of you are clear on your goals, then you are more likely to fulfill them.
If you and your partner clearly see the future and you know that you are with someone who wants the same thing you do, then there should be more room for optimism and trust.
But, if you’re living with someone who wants to go in different directions, then the gap widens, and trust is diminished. For this to be fully realized, you have to do your best, like you used to do for each other.
Find Ways to Relax with Your Spouse
You have to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Try to remember how you used to love to relax with your spouse. Do something that both of you enjoyed and enjoyed together. It could be going out to a movie, watching a ball game on tv together, or sitting on the patio and watching the sunset together.
It could be a quiet night at home and a lot of romantic activities going on. Just keep the fires burning! Do things that bring back the feelings of the past.
You might find that the person you fell in love with wasn’t always like this. Or, you might even find that you can pick up even better hobbies or new interests that you used to share. But, this doesn’t mean that it’s time to let it go. There’s a good chance that your spouse has the same desire as you do to remain happy.
And, there’s also a good chance that they don’t feel they have the capability to fulfill it. In the end, when you put it all together, you will come to realize that you have to have the feelings to complete the relationship.
That means if you can’t feel like something is working between you and your spouse, then you should find a way to make it work. And if there’s a way that you can still keep the feelings, then you have to consider it. It might take a couple of tries but if you keep at it and show your spouse that you still love them, then their satisfaction of your feelings can make you feel that they like you again.