To have a good relationship, one must be able to understand each other – without necessarily agreeing. To be able to understand each other, one must be able to communicate properly together is necessary. That’s a good way of being free in marriage.
Not just exchanging words and opinions, but having a dialogue in an agreed, firm, safe environment so that no one is hurt by feeling rejected, hurt or angry.
The understanding must make sense – for both parties. It is not enough that it only makes sense for one.
Understanding in the relationship will also make trust and open communication possible.
Importance of Communication
Without proper communication in a relationship, the trust in the relationship will not grow and will eventually be lost. This is when relationships go wrong. They go wrong because they get in to the habit of distrust and therefore become boring.
If they cannot develop good communication and listening skills with each other, then they will not develop these skills in the marriage. The problems that they face when they finally leave will be familiar and there will not be much hope for them to recover their relationship.
The importance of communication in the relationship is highlighted in many relationship books and courses and at couple therapy (parterapi København). And the importance of proper listening and empathy in the relationship is also mentioned.
So, learning to communicate is important for relationships to be able to progress and be able to have a good relationship. There are many ways of communicating.
One may communicate by physical touch – hugging, kissing and touching of all kinds. This does not mean that it is not important to use words to describe what one is feeling. The physical contact is just for the feel of warmth, safety and comfort.
One may also communicate verbally when one feels insecure. This also needs to be done safely in a marriage and with more care.
Many books, couple therapy and courses provide information on communication. And then many people take these strategies and neglect the empathy and safety. This does not mean that it is right to ignore these areas. But at least people need to learn to pay attention to the fact that what is missing here.
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in the shoes of the other. It is a way of bringing out the best in others. The person with empathy feels positive emotions in themselves.
Safety involves being wary about what is happening. Not to be afraid of what may happen or what may cause hurt. Being wary does not mean always remaining indifferent. Safety is important when one has to work in a dangerous environment. It is important when one has to take decisions and deal with people who might cause hurt.
To increase the ability to take care of oneself is to acquire the ability to take care of others. To give to others is to give to oneself. Taking care of oneself requires to take care of the person next to oneself. Taking care of others entails to give to others.
It is important to learn these ways. They are a basic ability and are a way of growing. They are a way of growing into a more balanced, more emotionally healthy way of being.
In order to be free in my relationship, I have to learn to love myself first, keeping in mind that I need the loving response of my partner, my children, my spouse, and my community.